Poem: Living a Lie

Living a Lie

I live a lie that tells me I am in control
As i search relentlessly for someone to hold
In the dark of night as my soul grows cold,
just hold me
Hold me!
Though you know me not
In the morning when he is gone and my soul does beg
before night arrives again, and loneliness falls like a plague
Just hold me
who ever you may be
Hold me!
You seeLoneliness is my affliction
But the warmth of his arms as i breath in his scent
that is my addiction
And so i become everything that i am not
To be all that he needs me to be.
for the moment so that he does not leave
Until the sun rises and i am free
and in the rare accurence that he does return
i will fan his flame until fire burns
and his flesh yearns for mine,
till the sun shines and he must leave
though his hands caressed my loneliness
and satisfied my need
the momentary satisfaction of what he did in deed
love him i cannot
for love will cause my heart to bleed
and so he must leave
and i remain in the condition i am in
As I walk with the weight of the guilt of my sin.